


We have now

by Practicemakesperfect



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Comfort, Domestic, M/M, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 23:31:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20750597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Practicemakesperfect/pseuds/Practicemakesperfect
Summary: Loss is scary. Baekhyun eases Kyungsoo’s worries.





	We have now

**Author's Note:**

> Omg I’m alive!
> 
> Surprise surprise I wrote this today and decided to post it anyway even though there’s like ten others that are probs more developed ahhhhh
> 
> My computer broke, and I’m having trouble finishing writing stuff on my phone :( the inspiration just flies away so I have a bunch of unfinished ideas. ANYWAY ily guys until next time which will hopefully be soon ;((

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Kyungsoo took those words with numb gratitude, nodding, and said thank you because that was all he could say.

_I’m sorry for your loss._ As if that could change anything. As if that could make it any better. He hated that the most; the stiff procession of condolences, I’m sorry for your loss, he would want you to be happy, I’m here if you need me.

None of these things made it okay. He didn’t want these useless words. He didn’t want these useless people and their useless comfort. He just wanted Baekhyun to be alive.

To his credit, Kyungsoo didn’t cry. At least, not at first. He stood at the casket during the viewing and said nothing. He didn’t think anything, either. Baekhyun was gone. Whatever words he said, he wouldn’t hear.

When they lowered his casket and buried him, Kyungsoo didn’t cry either. He just watched, and then said the last bit of gratitude to the people who still wanted to talk to him, and then he drove home, and that’s when he dropped to the floor and lost it, right there in the fucking hallway in front of their apartment that was now, with finality, just his. 

God. God, did it hurt. It hurt so much. He never thought loss could hurt like this, so completely and with such a weight it was suffocating. Please, please, please, was all he could think in his head as he cried. Please, bring him back. Please, tell me this is a dream. 

“I love you.”

And it was then that he woke up. 

He was gasping. His brain was trying to catch up. And he was sobbing with sounds that—as silent as he’d been trying to make them—woke Baekhyun up.

Bleary, concerned eyes met his. It was automatic; Baekhyun reached out and pulled Kyungsoo close through his sleepy haze, said, “what’s wrong, babe?” and pressed a kiss to his head. Kyungsoo didn’t reply, only pressed his face closer to Baekhyun’s chest and tried to calm down. It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real. Thank fucking god it wasn’t real.

“Was it a nightmare?” Baekhyun rubbed his side soothingly and put his chin on the top of his head. Kyungsoo clung to his shirt, to the solidness of reality. Baekhyun was here. Baekhyun was okay.

It was longer than it should have been before Kyungsoo nodded his head. He gathered himself before starting, “It was...”

“You don’t have to tell me.”

Kyungsoo was quiet. He wiped some of his tears on Baekhyun’s shirt, a little calmer now. “It just sounds kind of stupid and sentimental and also it’s—“ he swallowed. “It’s actually something that really scares me.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun said slowly. He knew Kyungsoo. If he hadn’t already said otherwise, he wanted to talk. “Is it... is it about us?”

“Kind of. Not really. Sorry, I’m being annoyingly vague.”

“You can be as vague as you want.”

“I had a dream,” Kyungsoo confessed, “that you died.”

“Oh.” Baekhyun’s brow furrowed. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”

Kyungsoo laughed and leaned back to swipe at his eyes. “It just hurt. A lot.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it _hurt_, Baek. And I’m terrified of it because if it hurts when I know it didn’t happen then what will I feel when it does?”

Baekhyun got it, now. He didn’t know what to say, so he said, “It’ll be okay.”

“No, it won’t. I’m so uncomfortably attached to you that I think I’d rather die than live without you. And before you say anything, it isn’t ‘aww,’ okay, it’s a real thing that I’m really scared of happening because it’ll happen.”

“Okay, baby, okay. I won’t say ‘aww,’ I promise. But... that’s really sweet of you to worry about even though it’s years away.” Baekhyun brought a hand to the side of Kyungsoo’s face and wiped his thumb under Kyungsoo’s eye, clearing the tears there. “It’s okay to be scared of losing someone, Soo. I’m scared of losing you, too. But at the same time, yeah, we’re all going to die one day. It’s inevitable. Why waste time worrying about it when we’re both here right now?”

“I know. I know, but still.”

Baekhyun hushed him. His eyes were patient, with a swirling affection that, for some reason, made Kyungsoo’s chest ache more. “I love you. I love you so much. I’ll always love you. Your dream was just a dream. I’m right here and I’m going to be right here for a long time, okay? So you don’t have to cry anymore.”

At the sound of his words, Kyungsoo cried harder. “Baek, you’re not helping.” And then, laughing a little: “I told you I didn’t want this to get sappy.”

“You said no such thing.” Baekhyun leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kyungsoo’s forehead, feather-light. “Don’t be scared, Soo.” His voice was gentle, soothing. “I’m here.”


End file.
